20 and counting
Well, my Birthday passed. It was good. Not spectacular, but very good. I don't really care for a lot of hoopla for my birthday. I got lots of cold weather clothes. That makes me happy. Rachel is planning something...but she doesn't have the funds for it. So, give Rachel a dollar to go towards my b-day present :)
I feel old. Not wise, just old. I feel like I'm dying. I feel like life is not only slipping out of my control, but that life was never in my control and it's still slipping away. I suppose that everyone goes through this experience. That doesn't make it easier to handle, because everyone dies; myself included.
I'm not suicidal. I'm just sad. I recognize that every decision I make precludes another decision. Every path I take eliminates the possibility of another path. What is so terrifying about this is that my life seems to be speeding up. I have less time to make a decision. I zoom toward a folk in the road and take a path, only to realize later that I can never go the other way. I don't regret the choices that made me be on this path, I just wish I weren't this far on the path. I see what lies ahead and I don't like it. It is tempting to blame that on the path, but all paths lead to death.
Well, I feel better...? Oh, young ones, relish youth. Relish the things you can never have again. Relish how close to the beginning you are on your path. You will never be where you are again.
I feel old. Not wise, just old. I feel like I'm dying. I feel like life is not only slipping out of my control, but that life was never in my control and it's still slipping away. I suppose that everyone goes through this experience. That doesn't make it easier to handle, because everyone dies; myself included.
I'm not suicidal. I'm just sad. I recognize that every decision I make precludes another decision. Every path I take eliminates the possibility of another path. What is so terrifying about this is that my life seems to be speeding up. I have less time to make a decision. I zoom toward a folk in the road and take a path, only to realize later that I can never go the other way. I don't regret the choices that made me be on this path, I just wish I weren't this far on the path. I see what lies ahead and I don't like it. It is tempting to blame that on the path, but all paths lead to death.
Well, I feel better...? Oh, young ones, relish youth. Relish the things you can never have again. Relish how close to the beginning you are on your path. You will never be where you are again.
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on 25.10.04 at 15:46.
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